Wrestling with the Literature Review

Of those 80,000 words, I have written about 25,000. I am awaiting feedback on three chapters and getting stuck into the literature review. 

It's hard. And painfully slow. Writing for this doctorate is like nothing I've ever done before. It feels as though I have to wrestle with every sentence; at times every word. They are slippery little suckers. 

And the literature review is particularly slow. I have begun with the literature review that I originally wrote for the proposal - although I have read more than 150 books and papers since then - so there are one or two things to add. But it is slow because it involves reference after reference, most of which I am having to reread, since it is abundantly clear that when I wrote the proposal with the original literature review I understood far less about what I was reading. 

The most astonishing thing, though, are the non sequiturs and the lack of coherence and organisation over all. The literature review for my proposal reads now like a bunch of notes about things I happened to be reading - with no system of organisation whatsoever. I had imposed one, but five years later it makes no sense.

I suppose, looking on the bright side, this is evidence of how far I have come on this journey. conceptually.

Remote Supervision

After my prevarication yesterday, I sent off three chapters last night - the opening rationale and two revised data chapters - and 'zoomed' into my first remote supervision session this afternoon.

The main feedback was the need for me to capture the ethos of the department and the responsive culture of receptive teachers ready to embrace change back in 2014, and to acknowledge that the seeds of theorisation and reflection had already been sown.

My supervisor suggested reading Pajares and acknowledging the disruptions to the 'apprenticeship of observation' that were already taking place, whilst emphasising the advantage of experiential and practice-based knowledge and learning.

I should consider the identification of boys and PPG students as problematic in this early part of the study.

And, above all I need to ensure the introduction of the idea of action research and my leaning towards participatory design early on in the writing, as a continuation or formalisation of a process already begun; which in itself epitomises the messy nature of this kind of research design.

We also talked about my reference to the book arch and student response to it in the opening chapter and the multiplicity of interpretations it may offer: students perhaps demonstrating a reverence and respect for books as sacred objects; and using this as a platform and culture from which to build.

A further remote supervision for two weeks time as a way of making up for time lost during the period of intermitting, and the university shutdown. I can't decide if that two week deadline is a cloud or a silver-lining.

The Time Is Out of Joint

I officially became a fully paid-up doctoral student again on the 1st February, but it has taken until today to become fully re-enrolled with access to all the modules and course information that I need.

It hasn't helped that the university updated their VLE to the end of last year, and their email system at the start of this year, meaning that I struggled to access either. I'd actually been deleted from the entire doctoral programme on one platform.

And then there was a virus that shut everything down.
The time is out of joint.

My first official supervision session for sixth months will take place tomorrow afternoon via Zoom.

In preparation I have to send my revised data chapters, and the other writing that I have been doing in the intervening period. Unfortunately, all my old anxieties about academic writing have returned. I feel unable to send 'chapters', and have requested that we return to calling them 'vignettes' and 'writing in progress' instead, which feels less threatening.

And I don't feel much further forward than the 15,000 words that were written by last October. In fact, it feels messier than it ever has - in spite of delivering three different conference presentations relating to my research during my period of intermission. They should have enabled me to clarify my thinking - and felt at the time as though they were doing so. That feeling is yet to translate itself into my writing.

On the upside, isolation and quarantine give the gift of time. It has taken a while for me to settle to the new rhythms of my family being at home, and having to deliver online lessons, but study time has expanded.

I have also discovered (now that I have access to the handbooks again!) that I may be able to apply for pre-submission status, involving a reduction in fees next term.