I have reached another important milestone on this first year of my doctoral journey: the 'informal' presentation of my proposal to peers.
This was, frankly, terrifying.
I am now a confident public speaker, and regularly get invited to present at education conferences. The thing is, when I do that, I am usually the person in the room who knows most about my 'thing', whatever it happens to be. Often, it is related to the specific way we have handled a particular idea or initiative within the department and I am merely disseminating something that is perceived as good practice. I am the expert; I have done the 'thing', and I am one of the people most qualified to talk about it. I am, therefore, usually confident that I can respond to any question that might be generated.
For this presentation though, whilst I still know an awful lot about my substantive topic (the teaching of reading in secondary English education) on points of methodology I am just about the least knowledgeable person in the room. And given that I am intending to undertake a form of participatory action research, not PAR in its truest sense, there was plenty that was shaky, or at least unsubstantiated, about the methodology.
Also, because of the part-time nature of my studies, I have only met the other members of my cohort ever so briefly; only had a real, actual, conversation with one of them. So they weren't really a known audience.
But I did it, and have now had something of an opportunity to reflect on it.
I know that I need to make the 'narrative' aspect of the presentation, the rationale, more joined up. I realise that some of what I was saying was irrelevant, and leading me (and my audience) down unnecessary paths. I need to define some of my terms. 'Authentic' is one. My methodology needs to be significantly more robust - but I think I am beginning to see where and how. There are some gaps that are easy to fill - aspects of early ethical considerations in relation to teacher-time need to be more clearly explained, for example.
How did I feel at the end of it? Relieved, elated and grateful.
Relieved that I'd made it through.
Elated by the supportive, thoughtful responses offered by my academic peers.
Grateful for their suggestions and feedback.
I also, finally, understood that I need not be defensive (at this stage!) - it really was an opportunity to 'test the water'. The water is quite cool, but now I have dipped a toe in I think I can get a little bit braver.
