Hard Times

I have called this post 'Hard Times', but in truth it is from another of Dickens' novels that I find the quotation to capture my mood... 'It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way...'

I have, for the last week or so, considered giving up, known that was definitely not an option, decided to do it anyway, convinced myself not to. Been elated by what I have done so far, and nearly destroyed by the thought of what has to come. I have written some difficult emails to important people and spent hours and hours and hours making what I hope might be final revisions to my proposal.

I am caught between the timetables of the university and of my institution. I have been encouraged to reach for the stars by one of my supervisors, dragged back down to earth and devastated by the other, patronised by the attempted consolation in relation to 'the difficulties of doing a PhD while working full time in a school!'

Right now, I don't know quite what will happen. This could be my last blog post.

No one said it would be easy...